If we have expectations of others or of ourselves and then things don’t happen the way we want them to, it is usually very upsetting to us.
We ask ourselves why people let their children act that way. Why do I act like this? Why do they act like that? Why would anyone act that way! Why would someone not do that? Why would anyone do that to me?
Why is usually a word that will get and keep us stuck!
When I get stuck in the whys of life, it is usually because I am expecting someone else to either say or do something a certain way, or treat me or act in a certain way toward me, or I expect myself to be a certain way that I am not.
When they don’t meet my expectations or desires, I feel hurt. It seems personal, like it’s against me. Most likely, it has nothing to do with me at all, but it feels like it does.
When I make someone else’s actions, or lack thereof, about me, I set myself up for hurt. Having expectations of others are a planned disappointment.
So what I do first when I struggle with this issue is to recognize that I have been expecting someone else to do things my way. Having the thought that they should have done this or that is really expecting someone to do it my way.
So I have to take responsibility for expecting someone else to be a mind reader, and then expect them to choose to do it the way I think they should have,. I need to let myself feel the hurt and disappointment of what it has cost me to get myself in this situation.
Then I need to change what I say to myself about it. If in my head, I keep blaming others for not meeting my needs or expectations, I am the one who is suffering from it, not them.
So I acknowledge it, feel it and surrender it to God. I let God change them and do the work in them. I tell myself, it is not my business and it is not about me!
The second thing I need to consider is, am I expecting something of someone, but I have not communicated clearly what I am expecting of them.
Do I expect the other person to just know what is in my mind? Do I think to myself, if they really cared about me they would just know or understand me? I shouldn’t have to ask!
Mind Reading is in the list of thought distortions, in case you are wondering. It might work that way in a romantic movie, but that is not real life.
Also, dropping hints and hoping the other person will just pick up on it and just know, is not communicating either. If I expect someone to do something for me, then I need to be clear and make sure the other person understands my needs.
Unrealistic expectations of myself cause me really big problems. I can be unusually hard on myself and expect perfection of myself even when I don't expect it of others.
I have to let expecting perfection of myself go. No one does things perfectly!
My head is my own worst enemy, and I need to give it a chill pill. Acknowledging and changing what I say to myself, and turning it over to God to handle, brings freedom. I don’t need to be perfect to be okay and neither do you!
I hope this helps someone today and remember no matter what be nice to you! Give yourself a break and also the people you are expecting things of. Instead rest in Jesus!
Remember, having expectations is just planning to be disappointed!
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