Most people don’t intentionally mess their lives up, but they feel powerless to stop it.
I know because I used to be my own worst enemy. I didn’t know it and I didn’t even know when I was doing it. I certainly had no idea how to stop it!
As soon as things were flowing along comfortably in my life, I would get nervous. I couldn’t imagine that things were just going to be okay. Nothing was ever okay so I didn’t believe I could just be okay. It made me feel uncomfortable! Somehow I would do something that would throw a wrench into my life situation and cause upset. I didn’t do it on purpose and I didn’t know I was doing it, but it just felt uncomfortable to not have intensity going on.
I lived in a perpetual state of chaos and it felt uncomfortable or unusual to have it be calm and peaceful. Happiness or good things were not something I was comfortable with. It messed with my head because I was always thinking was always negative.
Some people that have never had these kinds of problems probably have a hard time understanding how people could need to have problems to be comfortable or familiar, but I know I am not alone in this!
When we grow up in a constant state of lack of some sort we get used to that feeling so when we have some abundance of goodness it can feel uncomfortable since we are not familiar with it. If we aren’t aware of this we will do something to cause lack again so we will feel more normal again, or what feels more normal to us.
There are many negative things in peoples lives and they get so used to feeling those feelings so they will create it again because it is more normal.
If we are used to failing it is very hard to let ourselves succeed. A change in our thinking is required.
We have grooves in our brains. These grooves are our defaults. We need to change those default grooves so we can make new grooves. We need success grooves instead of fail grooves. Acceptance grooves instead of rejection grooves.
We need to become aware of our discomfort at succeeding or being accepted and let ourselves feel the uncomfortable feelings. Then we need to change our thinking about it. We need to change our beliefs about ourselves.
Instead of allowing ourselves to think thoughts of powerlessness at these problems we need to change what we say to ourselves about them. For example, “It is okay if I am a success!” I can succeed! “It is okay to receive love.” “It is okay if I am accepted.” I can be accepted! “It is okay if I succeed.” I don’t need to create rejection. “It is okay if I am accepted.” “I deserve to be accepted.” “I can move forward and succeed."
Feeling uncomfortable is not something that will kill us. It will feel uncomfortable because we are not used to succeeding or being accepted or loved, but changing our thinking, changing what we say to ourselves and not being afraid of uncomfortable feelings will help us make new grooves in our brains and create new futures for ourselves.
Instead of always trying to climb out of a hole that we have dug for ourselves, we will get used to doing well. We will not need to create negative intensity to feel okay in our lives. I know it is possible to do this because I am doing it!