I spent much of my life looking for someone’s eyes to tell me that I was okay.
I looked at others in hopes of an approving nod or a glance to tell me that I was special, unique, smart, pretty, cute or whatever.
Even though I believe I have achieved a certain level of knowing I am okay on the inside, and not needing others to tell me I'm okay, I still find myself looking at other’s eyes, for approval of me in some way.
We all want others to approve of us in different areas of our lives.
Women want other women to look at them and like their dress or hair. Men want other men to think that they are strong, or their career is to be desired.
None of that is a problem at all, unless it is a problem!
For me it was a problem, because I needed it, and I wasted a good portion of my life focused on getting my validation from others who could never give me what I needed.
When we are children the adoring looks of our parents and close family members are like mirrors that tell us we are loved and special. That is the time when those looks give us what we need.
But, what if we didn’t get those looks when we were children? What if we got mean looks and words instead? What if we got hit in the face or worse? What if we were neglected or abandoned?
We do the best we can with all of that, but we still have the emptiness inside and we do all sorts of things to cover up the pain so we can ignore it.
I am in process and getting better all the time. I feel my feelings and don’t run from them. I say no to unhealthy thinking. I replace negative self-talk with the positive opposite. I know and repeat to myself that I don’t need someone else’s approval to be okay. I know and confess that the Lord and I can get through anything together one second at a time. I know that someone else's opinion of me does not define who I am.
I know I can stay in the moment with the Lord and I will be okay no matter what. I have been learning to accept all the parts of myself that I have rejected and neglected throughout my life.
All of these things are good and they have been good for me. But, there is more.
I heard something the other day that I heard at least a hundred times before, but this time I really heard it. It was speaking right to me!
I want Your eyes (Jesus) to be my mirror. I want Your eyes (Jesus) to tell me who I am. No more lies. No more lies!
I heard it, I only want His eyes to tell me who I am. His piercing, loving eyes. No one else’s eyes can do it!
So, if I find myself looking at another eyes for approval, for someone to give me what no human can give me, I instead look into His eyes, and say:
“I want Your eyes to be my mirror, I want Your eyes to tell who I am! Only Your Eyes!”