There was a time that I lived in my head in the future and/or the past. I was never, never in the present. It is impossible to be present to myself, others or to God if I am living in the future or the past. I didn’t realize that if I was living in my head looking at the past or trying to figure out the future and how I was going to make it through something, then I was the one in control.
I didn’t realize that I lived in my head until the day when my head was so neurotic that I decided I couldn’t listen to anything going on up there at all anymore or I was going to really be insane. My thinking about God, others, myself, the world and pretty much anything was all negative and distorted and I had to quit listening to any of it.
Somewhere deep inside of me I knew that there was a God and a kingdom that lived within me. I decided I was not going to listen to anything my head was saying to me about God, others, myself and the world but I was going to just live in this moment focused on the reality He was inside of me, and also His kingdom and that is where I will live and abide. I was not going to allow in my head to be my reality any longer! Anything beyond this very second where I dwell with Him was in His hands anyway! I was not in control of the next second or breath so I was not going to allow it in my head. I had to do this one second at the time. I had no other choice. If I didn’t do this I was headed over the line because my thinking was out of control.
Self preservation was why I made this choice and I had no idea how much my world was about to change in a major way. I found that being out of my head and living inside with the Lord was where real reality was and not the other way around. Dwelling in the moment with the Lord inside of me was where I was safe, secure and at peace. I realized that I had been fighting my own war. It wasn’t until I let go of the war in my head that I could rest and let Him fight my battles for me. I just stayed still inside with Him and watched the battle going on in front of me but I was unharmed. I could feel inside of me, which was something I could never do when I lived in my head.
My reality became, “Me and the Lord could go through life together hand in hand on the inside of me.” I could feel pain, I could feel love, I could feel sad or just uncomfortable but I was feeling, and I was feeling with Him.
My reality is now with Him inside of me and Him before me. No matter where I am or what I am going through I can be with Him, inside of me, in our little hiding place of love! I am so grateful for His love and care for me! The reality is that He is no closer to me now than He was when I was neurotic. I am just aware of His presence now because I can feel Him inside of me. When I lived in my head I could not feel Him inside of me, but He was still there. He doesn’t go anywhere when we are living in our heads thinking and planning, we just aren’t aware of Him like we can be if we turn our attention to Him instead of our thoughts.
When I quit living in my head and started trusting Him for the next moment, the reality of His presence became so real that I can see and feel Him all the time. Whether I am at work in the midst of turmoil and pressure, or I am at home, or with others, His constant presence and peace is there. I just have to stop and be aware. Step back and sit down with Him inside. Everything in front of my face is the next moment. All reality and all eternity resides inside of me. When I stay there I am so good no matter what is going on.
No matter what me and the Lord can handle it together, ONE SECOND AT A TIME! All I can handle is ONE SECOND AT A TIME! Me and Him together. Right now, right this minute me and Him are good! He gives me grace for this moment! All I have to do is resist taking up the battle in my head again. Since our next breath is in His hands anyway the choice is pretty simple. Just step back and rest in Him.
Maybe after reading this you can understand why I share such intimate things about myself. If someone like me can go from insanity to total peace and security beyond words, I of course want to share it with anyone who will listen. I want everyone to know the secret I have found. I have found the pearl of great price and I want to give it away.
Much love to you and peace in Him!