There are times I get offended. I have learned if people are offending or shaming me I should have boundaries and limit their closeness in my life, and choose to be around more safe people.
Then there are times I am told that I need to share my feelings to the one who has offended or shamed me by saying, “When you say that to me I feel shamed,” and sometimes I need to do that also.
These things I can use as tools to help me get past the offensive, shaming people in my life.
It seems that boundaries regarding unsafe people and sharing my feelings when someone has offended or shamed me, are very important and needed.
What I am looking at right now is, “Where does my responsibility come in?” “What is my part in this scenario?”
Sometimes I am offended by others because something traumatic happened to me in my life or childhood and it caused some big button in me.
When an offensive person says or does something to me and my big button gets pushed I feel pain. I am realizing that when this happens my offended feelings might have more to do with me and might not be so much about them. Maybe I wouldn’t get quite so offended if my button wasn’t so big!
I need to be healed from the root of what is causing the offense in me in the first place. Of course I am not saying at all that I should continue to put up with abuse in any form, especially if it is physical, but even emotional or mental.
In those cases I know I need to protect myself as quickly as possible from further abuse.
It is very important though that I take notice when someone pushes my shame button. It is not healthy at all for me to continue to ignore when someone is acting shaming or offensive to me, just so I don’t won’t rock the boat.
One day all that I have been pushing down will come out in a big way and it probably won’t be pretty.
On the other hand if I am so hyper-sensitive to offenses to the extreme, that I am always defending myself or distancing myself from people because of it, my world can get very small and secluded. So I am asking myself, “When is it my responsibility to look at what happened to me that caused that big giant button?”
If I keep protecting myself from the offensive how will I ever heal and shrink that big button in me that gets pushed all the time?
It might feel better to me for a while when I use boundaries or distancing because I feel safe when I escape from danger, but it can get pretty lonely in that safe little box all alone. Healing the big button in me is going to take courage and me being willing to look at myself and deal with the pain. When I get offended I stop and notice what button is being pushed. I stop and ask the Lord what is going on with me.
When I can look at the memory that might be causing my pain, feel it and be willing to look at it myself, then I can give it to the Lord so I can start to heal, instead of always being offended and hurt and blaming others. I know that Jesus is the ultimate healer, so I have started looking inside at the origination or root of that pain I have been carrying around.
I feel the reality of it and actually picture inside of me that painful button being sliced open and laid flat in front of my Lord.
Then I give Him permission to heal the root of the brokenness inside of me. I scoop it up and hand it to Him. It is messy and bloody, but my heart is totally open to Him so He can heal me.
I look to Him to do it, but I am the one who has to be aware and notice it, and give it to Him with my heart wide open to Him! We are all in process and we have to keep ourselves open and attentive to be in the present moment with the Lord and stay in the process we are in right now.
Practice sitting still in Him! Keep our inner attention focused on Him and staying in the present moment with Him each day. I have to be willing to let go of the offenses I can hold in my mind with a tight grip, because that tight grip on offenses can cause strongholds in me.
I have to be willing to ask for forgiveness for any part of the process where I have partnered with the pain.
Even though the original pain was not my fault and was done to me, I made choices to hang onto the pain and try to fix it in my own way. I always know that No Matter What Me and the Lord Can Handle It Together One Second at a Time.
No matter what pain I have to face I can feel it with Him and I can trust Him to bring healing to me one second at a time.
If I look at the big picture it is way too big for me, but if I do it one second at a time with Him then I can go through anything! Jesus is in me and we are one. He is in me so deep that He is the air that I breathe and when I move, I move with and in Him.
All I have to do is to be willing to stop, look and open the painful parts, the messy horrible bleeding parts, and hand them to Him.
He is the healer and He knows what to do with it all! Trust Him in the process.
You can trust Him with it all, but if it seems too overwhelming, then just trust Him one second at a time!