Long ago in a land not so far away lived a young woman who gave her life to Jesus. She finally had purpose and that felt wonderful. She had a Lord who she believed in and He loved her and gave His life for her. Her life changed for the better for sure, but a lot of things didn’t change and some things even got worse. That young woman was me.
Even though I had so much newness in my life and my life was so much better, my head was still full of obsessive fear and my tormenting fears might have actually gotten worse than before. At this point I didn’t even know what my feelings were. I didn’t feel my feelings at all, and I was never sure what I felt about anything.
The bible said that the Holy Spirit lived in me and I believed that. I even had comfort knowing that I was in Him and He was in me, but I didn’t really know this was true. I didn’t know it in my knower. I needed to know it inside of me, but I didn’t know how. The reality of Him living in me wasn’t real to me yet.
Later in life after going through many loses, and getting more and more full of obsessive fear I learned what was really going on in my inside world. Obsessive fear is not a feeling, it is a thought. It is a thinking process that causes anxiety and panic. I started to learn the difference between a feeling and a thought, which was very important for me to learn.
I learned that I really didn’t feel for most of my life. I learned that I was terrified to feel. I learned that we can’t feel and think at the same time. What I thought were feelings were really thoughts. I learned that if someone says, “I feel like” that is a thought and not a feeling. I learned that I had to feel to heal.
I had to get pain that was frozen away inside of me from the past into real time. Real time is now, and those old locked up feelings must be felt and let go of and turned over.
I needed to forgive myself for any partnership I had with the cause of that pain, and/or forgive others for their part in it.
I started to feel and I started to heal and in the process of learning to feel and heal I learned the best thing of all, I learned that Jesus living inside of me was really real. It became my reality. One that I could feel.
God’s presence became so real inside of me that I could feel Him there any time I turned my attention to Him. He is always there and I didn’t really know it before. Since I didn’t feel my feelings I also could not feel His presence.
There were times in my life that I could feel Him, like in a worship service when I got past my head and all that was going on with me, and some other times I’m sure, but the feeling of His presence became really real for me all the time.
I know He is there with me all the time, sharing every moment with me, every pain, every joy, everything. All I have to do is turn my attention to Him inside and I can feel Him there.
This changed everything for me in every area of my life. When I lived in my head, I believed He was there with my mind, but it wasn’t until I learned to feel and live in the moment that I learned to feel Him there, know He was there, and walk with Him every second.
Me and Him breathing together. Me and Him walking and talking and seeing together. Me and Him loving others together. There is nothing at all better than this. Nothing!
So no matter what me and Jesus can handle it together one second at a time. That is where I live most of the time and so can you!