I have been asked a few questions lately and I wasn’t sure of the answers because certain things I just do automatically now, so I started pondering and examining my process. Hopefully I can help people understand better and maybe I will help myself in the process.
I have said many times that we need to feel. Feeling our feelings is how we heal. We have to feel to heal, yes, but should we feel every feeling that comes our way? I have come to the realization that I don’t think we do. I will explain.
Besides the truth that we have to feel to heal it is also true that our beliefs and thoughts create what we feel, so if we are thinking about something that is negative, distorted or untrue about a situation and it creates feelings of uneasiness, those are not feelings to feel. We don’t want to sit and make friends with feelings that were created by lies and distortions. That is not a good thing. There is a time to feel and there is a time to change our self-talk (what you say to yourself). But how do we know which to choose?
Feeling to heal should be done when an unpleasant memory comes to mind. When I have a memory of something in my past that was unfortunate, I do not allow myself anymore to dwell on that memory by thinking on it or the things related to it. I think, oh this is that, and I immediately push it down into my feeler, deep inside of me. I don’t start to imagine or ponder all the injustices and hurts in my mind, instead I push it down into my feeler and keep it there until the feeling of pressure passes. If we don’t ponder it while doing this it does not take very long to pass.
Feelings are like waves, they rise and they fall. They are not something to be afraid of. If we keep pondering the painful past thing in our minds while trying to feel them at the same time, we will not be feeling but we will be thinking instead and cause ourselves torment. Past hurts are not something to rehearse in our minds. That experience is what perpetuates our ongoing torment.
If I am going to feel feelings that bring healing it must be done deep inside of me, not in my mind or head. We cannot feel and think at the same time! Deep inside of us our feelings can be felt with Jesus. He will feel them with us. He is there. So as soon as I have a memory, I recognize it and get it out of my head and into my gut and feel it there. I keep pushing it down and breathing, staying out of my head and giving it to Jesus. Soon it will pass.
Some things need immediate resistance and change of thinking (what we say to ourselves). If we walk into a room and we feel insecure this is not a time to feel our feelings. This is a time to say to ourselves, “No matter what me and Jesus can handle this together.” This is a time I can say to myself, “I am okay just the way I am” “I can do this whatever it is” whatever kind of thing works for you. If I have to do something that I don’t feel qualified to do and I feel like a dummy, this is not the time to feel that feeling. That feeling of insecurity came from a thought which was a lie. This is a time to say to myself that I am okay and I can do this. One second at a time me and the Lord can handle this together.
One thing I do know though, to change our self-talk and get through these things we also need to realize and focus on the one who lives inside of us. We need to remember that He is in there and you can do this with Him. Feel Jesus inside of you and then tell yourself you can do it together with Him. Even if you don’t think you can feel Him right now you can still say, “No matter what it is, you can do it together with Him one second at a time.”
You can, no matter what! If we stay out of horriblizing the future of what can happen, and stay in the moment and out of our heads we can get through the most difficult situations, one second at a time with Him. He is the God of the now. He is an ever-present help in times of need. In the time of need, not in the future time of need. When we get to the future He will be there also to help us with that moment. One second at a time.
We must feel to heal but we cannot heal if we are pondering our pain, mistakes, abuses or anything that has happened to us, or anything that we have done ourselves. We don’t want to stuff or deny the truth. We must face the facts of what was done to us or through us, but we don’t keep pondering it and rehearing it in our heads. When it comes just look at it as a chance to heal. Instead of looking at old pains in a scary way, look at them as an opportunity to have some more healing in that area. I made feelings my best friends instead of living in terror or dread of them! If we remember our past pains and start the poor-me’s in our heads we will just prolong our misery and continue to see ourselves as a victim of that situation.
One thing is for sure, in either case whether we are dealing with feelings or changing self-talk, past hurts or future horriblizing is NEVER something we need or allow and ponder. Give them no space in our heads. Old memories that come up need to be felt and not to be thought about them while doing so. We can do that if we put the focus on the feeling inside of us instead of the thoughts in our heads. Remember put the focus on the pain inside and also remember that the Lord is in there also and you are also focusing on Him at the same time.
It will take practice to sort out the difference between learning to feel instead of think, and learning to change what you say to yourself instead of thinking or just freezing. Some situations just make us freeze, but if we take one second at a time and change what we say to ourselves, we don’t have to let that stuff get the better of us anymore. We can get to a place where we can accomplish what we need to do and not allow the past to hinder our future. I used to dis-associate from my feelings and my thoughts and just leave the planet somewhere in outer space.
I was useless when I did that. I am so different now that you wouldn’t even know I was the same person if I didn’t look the same and have the same tone in my voice. I know this will work because of how much it has changed me. Take some notes and do some practicing. If you have any questions after you start to practice, please let me know. Send me a private message. Maybe I can help. Much love and peace to you!