I have mentioned in previous writings that our thoughts and beliefs create our feelings. If this is true, and I believe it is, then if we are thinking horrible thoughts we will start to feel horrible. If we are thinking something unhealthy or distorted, then distorted emotions are created from them. If we act on those feelings, it is not so good. A big mess will happen, or worse!
This is why the voices in our heads are so important to take captive. We get fooled sometimes by what we listen to and by pondering on the crazy thoughts going through our heads, because they can cause us to feel something that feels real but is not based in reality. It seems like it would be hard work to change these thoughts or head ponderings, but it is easier to do the work in the moment that it is happening, than to deal with the repercussions of the messes we get ourselves into from listening to them. I was so good at making messes of things for such a long time. That is why I am trying to help others from spending their lives like I did.
For example, say that a married person has a member of the opposite sex coming into our minds. Does that mean that married person is in love with the other person? Of course not, but so many marriages are ruined by this very thing. Sometimes we have feelings and thoughts about others that are way out in left field, but if we start to listen to those voices and we start pondering on the what-if’s, we create all kinds of feelings and thoughts that probably aren’t based in reality. We wonder if we really love this other person and not our spouse, or what-if I married the wrong person and I am really supposed to be with this other one? There are many reasons this happens and many kinds of imaginings we can come up with that can cause us to get into messes.
Sometimes we are very sensitive to the pain or needs of others, especially the opposite sex, so it might feel like we are having feelings of love for them, or care about them more than we should. We feel like this other person needs us. It can feel very strong. Too many marriages fall apart because we listen to distorted ideas in our heads that create feelings. We give these ideas space in our heads instead of saying, “No, I won’t listen to that garbage.”
Even if we do allow the thoughts to become feelings, we can remember not to listen to those feelings because they came from thoughts that might be lying to us. Our feelings come from our thoughts and beliefs, so if we are thinking wrong, we can also be feeling wrong. If we act on those feelings we may wake up one day and wonder how in the world we got to where we are now! I know because I have done this way too many times to count!
Single people need to be careful as well. Sometimes feelings we have for someone else are really not feelings of love at all, even though it feels that way. Sometimes we pick up on the needs or hurts of others, and it feels like love. There is a reason for the saying, “Don’t go in your head alone, it is a dangerous neighborhood.” We need help from others that we trust, and we need to share this stuff with the Lord and be open for Him to show us what is really going on with us.
We need to be open to dealing with it. We need to be aware of what is running through our heads, and what we are spending our time thinking about. We need to feel our feelings and not deny them but we also need to look at the feelings and see what kind of thinking created them. Is it a memory of something or a what-if about the future.
Taking every thought captive is work, but if you do it moment by moment, and stay in the moment with the Lord, you can do it together.
I want to add that if you did mess up like I just mentioned above, and you had a big part in destroying a marriage or any relationship, or job, or whatever, you are not alone! We all mess up, but we can mess up less in the future if we learn to deal with each thought that goes through our heads in the moment. No condemnation here! Condemnation helps no one! It makes everything worse. It is never useful! Make sure you don’t fall into that trap!
If we have feelings or thoughts about someone that we shouldn’t have, the very worst thing we can do, besides just acting on them, is to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves what a horrible person or Christian we are! That will not only, not help anything, but will actually make things much worse. Don’t try to “Should not” yourself but instead share it with the Lord and change your thinking about it.
Let Him know you don’t know why this is going on, but if there is something you need to learn from this, then you are open to Him showing you what is going on. It is always better to run to the Lord and talk to Him like your best friend instead of running away from Him in shame, because you are a horrible person!
To help ourselves we need to remember not to listen to the things running through our heads, because it will create a feelings, and once you have those feelings it is harder not to listen to them. Remember any feeling that come from thoughts of distortion are doomed to make us get into deep water over our heads.
So if we have a feeling about someone or something we need to ask ourselves what we were thinking about right before those feelings came. If we get used to being aware of this process instead of just running around like a crazy person it will help us. One thought and feeling at a time, and you can tell those thoughts no, and change what you tell yourself to something else like “No matter what, me and the Lord can get through this together one second at a time.” Or something like, “There is nothing about this situation that will make me better so I just need to stop, or I am not responsible for someone else’s pain.”
It is amazing how many times I get relieved from a horrible burden just by telling myself that I am not responsible to fix their pain, or I am not responsible for their pain. Helping and loving others is different from feeling responsible to make someone else feel better.
People that grew up in dysfunctional homes tend to carry others pain and think it is theirs. Sometimes feelings of intercession can be misinterpreted because of our sensitivity to others needs and we can get into messes because of it. Some people we just need to put in God’s hands and leave them there with Him. Sometimes we end up carrying too much of someone else’s load and it isn’t meant for us to carry. We aren’t responsible even if we feel we are.
I know this might be a lot to swallow all at once. That is why I say to do this just one second at a time with the Lord. Just know He is in you and He never leaves you. You can always share this stuff with the Lord. Run to Him and not away from Him!