There are times in my life where practicing what I preach becomes vital. I just went through a some of these in the not too distant past. I have some areas in my life where anxiety still tries to come on me and take me out.
A few years ago when I had an over-an-hour commute to and from work, I had an experience happen to me where I felt a flutter in my chest and immediately my thoughts started with what if I am having a heart attack and I kill myself and others on the freeway. All of this escalated to the point where the road was moving all around me, I was dizzy, freaking out and I had to get myself off the freeway and to a parking lot.
I eventually found a back way to get home through some back roads. I went to the emergency room the next morning and got thoroughly checked out and my heart was fine, but this did not stop the insanity. Instead the anxiety got worse. I missed some work because I couldn’t do the drive, but then I just had to get through it. I struggled with the what-ifs, and at the same time I was trying to use all the tools that I knew to stay in the moment.
It was a dark time and struggle in my life because my hour long drive seemed more like ten hours going through this fight. After a while of going through this I got a job closer to home and didn’t have the fight every day. This last weekend though, I had to do a longer drive again and when I remembered the whole thing it came back in the same way. Instead of arguing with it,
I just said my life is in God’s hands and if I perish, I perish! I will not argue with the what ifs! I kept my focus on the Lord who lives inside and not the what-ifs trying to take over my mind and I got where I was going just fine. Do I like to be going through such an uncomfortable situation? No I don’t, but I can make it one second at a time with His help. If I look at the big picture instead of staying in the moment, then I am done for! In the moment with the Lord, trusting Him for my next breath is where I live and where I want to live. It is the real reality!
If I entertain fears in my head at all, they can quickly evolve into an anxiety attack and panic. Fear of fear will create more fear! I have to let go of control and realize my life is in His hands and there is nothing He and I can’t handle together, one second at a time!
The other situation that I just had to deal with, as in the past, is the – I can’ts! I can’t keeping doing this! I can’t deal with this! I can’t – whatever! It all happened so quickly. I realized that I was feeling anxiety and then quickly I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I looked at my thinking when this happened and realized that I am thinking in the I can’ts! The real kicker was when I realized I was talking to myself but I also was having a conversation with a third person in my head, telling them that I no longer can deal with this situation!
I was now having a three-ring circus in my head. This is a recipe for a panic attack and I was headed in that direction very quickly. I saw what I was doing and I asked the Lord to help me get in the moment. I remembered that right now I was okay, and I started telling myself that right now I do could what I needed to do, and me and the Lord could do it together right now. I had to quit engaging the three-ring circus going on in my head and get in the moment. Right now I was capable of doing whatever I needed to do! Right this second me and the Lord were okay!
I know that I can’t handle the future right now because that is impossible. No one can handle the future today, but I can handle what I need to do right now. It took a few minutes of changing my self-talk and focus but the disaster passed and I finished out my day.
There was a little while there that I was afraid they were going to have to carry me out of there on a stretcher, but it all changed just by recognizing the circus going on in my head and not engaging in that conversation any longer. It was a choice to click out of the three-ring circus line of thinking to remembering that He lives inside of me and He and I could handle it together one second at a time, and stay focused there instead.
His presence is real inside of me. I know it and He doesn’t leave me! No matter what me and the Lord can handle it together one second at a time!
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