I realized that there is a part of me that I have been hiding from. For a very long time I have not wanted to admit to myself that I am sensitive. Of course, being sensitive can be a good thing. It helps me to be sensitive to others who are hurting or in need. Other people might not notice someone who is hurting, but I notice because of my sensitivity to others. That is the part of my sensitivity that I am okay with. That is the pretty part of being sensitive.
The part of being sensitive that I am not okay with is getting my feelings hurt very easily sometimes. This is the part of me that I have tried to ignore.
For some months now I have been working on accepting parts of myself that I have chosen to reject. Going back to my frozen parts and revisiting old wounds that I stuffed away, the parts of myself that I have rejected.
The parts that pop up unexpectedly when someone or something pushes a shame button and my sensitive self reacts. I have been realizing that I can’t run away from the parts of me that I don’t like anymore. Coming face to face with the fact that I am sensitive, is not very fun! I don’t want to be sensitive, but that is a part of me that I can’t just hide from.
I know to run to the lover of my soul when this happens and I do, but I also have to embrace the parts of me that I don’t like. I need to put my arms around all the parts of myself and embrace me for who God made me to be. I can’t continue on the path of ignoring parts of myself that I don’t accept or like. I need to embrace all parts of me to be whole. Even the sensitive me and all the parts that make me who I am.
So, I see my adult self going to my sensitive self and embracing that part of me. I put my arms out to her and pull her to myself. Then I see Jesus joining into this union and putting His arms around the confident me and the sensitive me. Accepting all the parts of me that make me who I am. I tell myself that “I am okay just like I am.” He loves all of me, not just my pretty parts.
It is not easy to look at all the parts of myself that I don’t like, but acknowledging all of me and not disowning those parts I find shameful is very freeing. Especially when I bring all the parts of myself to Jesus and let Him have all of me. Embracing all of me in my heart and not just the parts that look the way I think they should. It is so nice that I think I will keep doing this.
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